Should I start by introducing myself?
If needed - hello. I'm Kaley.
I'm here because it turns out I have this burning desire to express myself and have that expression be witnessed by the Internet. I guess. That sounds a little ridiculous to me and I feel grossly self-aware by it, but I'm here despite that.
For whatever reason, I think publishing my words and meandering thoughts and observations about life and love and death might help me to process this world we're all living in. You and me.
I have felt and continue to feel deeply alone during my time spent here and I'm writing this in the hopes that I am not alone in that loneliness.
A lot of my time thus far has been spent in my head. While there, I've been known to participate in confrontational arguments about why the hell I did the thing I shouldn't have done or didn't do the thing I know I should've done. You know, like applying for that job or asking that person out or publishing my work on the internet.
Publishing is hard, though! Putting yourself out there sucks. Social media sucks. Unrealistic standards of beauty suck. Comparison shaming sucks.
But what I've realized lately is that, no matter how much that stuff does or doesn't suck, I am still my own worst enemy. And thus, I am the one who sucks the most. *until now!
See, I have an issue with sharing. I have a problem with being seen. I guard. I clench. I avert my eyes and avoid, avoid, avoid.
But not anymore. With this site, I hope to open my eyes and really look. And show you what it is I'm looking at.
I will share books I'm reading and how they made me feel. I'll share recipes I'm finding or been making since forever. I'll share my feelings about grief and change and growth in a world that never looks the same as it did yesterday. I'll share the stories that have been sitting on my laptop like a car in a garage that's regularly tinkered with but never given the chance to test the speed.
Sharing is all we have. It's simple, really, when you consider it like that. Communities and friendships and families and successful work environments all have one thing in common: sharing. Not necessarily shared values (though that's important!) but I'm thinking more along the lines of shared experiences. For some, shared misfortunes. Shared trials. Shared happinesses.
"We all have a deep yearning to understand ourselves and be understood." -- that's from one of my favorite books lately, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. Give it a read if you're looking for something introspective and enthralling that will make you think about your relationships and the way you understand others and yourself.
Understanding is love. And we could all do more when it comes to understanding ourselves and loving ourselves so we might understand and love others better, too.
Thanks for being here. 'Til next time.